Новый курс для изучения языка: Английский онлайн с видеозаданиями.

Самые посещаемые статьи за последние 3 месяца:
1. Как работу по развитию разговорных навыков сделать интересной?
2. Как расширить словарный запас
3. 10 заповедей Като Ломб изучения английского языка
4. Стратегии работы с грамматическими явлениями.
5. Этикет и английский язык

My boss is so unpopular. Even his own shadow refuses to follow him.

* * *

"Do you know what really amazes me about you?" 
"No.What?" 
"Oops.Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!" 

* * *

If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? 

* * *

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who 
speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks 
four or more languages is multilingual. 
What is a person who speaks one language? 
An American. 

Напиши интересную заметку из своей жизни, связанную с английским языком и получи приз...
1. Будильник с символикой Великобритании.
2. Настольный 3Д-скульптор.
или
3. Стильные чашки в виде клавиш клавиатуры Ctrl,Alt,Del.

Принять участие в конкурсе!

A teacher set an arithmetic problem. 
"You have six pounds in your pocket. You lose four. What 
do you have in your pocket?" 
Quickly came the answer - "A hole."

* * *

Two men were drinking in a pub. One said, 
"You look miserable. What is the problem?" 
"I've discovered that I talk in my sleep." 
"Well that's not serious." 
"It is when it happens in the office."

* * *

When a robber entered a woman's house at night, she 
surprisingly arrested him and called the police. The sergeant 
congratulated her. 
"But," he said, "You should not have hit him so hard or so 
many times." 
"Sorry officer," she replied." The fact is, my husband has 
not come home and I thought, at first, it was him."

Как будет ВЫ по-английски? или Формы обращения в английском языке
Lady Gaga Biography

"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?" 
"No, I'm sorry I don't." 
"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

* * *

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions? 
Student: Well...yes and no.

* * *

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when 
one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The 
surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother 
what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!" 

* * *

Father: What did you do today to help your mother? 
Son: I dried the dishes.
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces. 

* * *

A: Why are all those people running? 
B: They are running a race to get a cup. 
A: Who will get the cup? 
B: The person who wins. 
A: Then why are all the others running? 

Как перевести имя и фамилию на английский язык - пошаговая инструкция по переводу с русского языка с таблицей замены букв.

Очумелая английская грамматика - интересный самоучитель по изучению грамматики.

Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the 
battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Question: Why did God create the man before he created 
the woman?
Answer 1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance 
to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
Answer 2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a 
draft first!

* * *

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents 
on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says 
happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything 
your child says happens at home.

* * *

Question: There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of 
them dead. How many birds are left?
Answer: 2 birds. The other 3 fly away!

Question: If a man was born in Italy, went to America and 
died in San Francisco, what would he be?
Answer: Dead!

Question: Why is the letter "T" like an island?
Answer: Because it is in the middle of waTer!

Question: What is the longest word in the English language?
Answer: "Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first 
and last letters!

Question: What starts with "P", ends with "E", and has 
millions of letters?
Answer: The "Post Office"!

Question: What word begins with "e", ends with "e", and has 
one letter?
Answer: Envelope!

Question: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Answer: Because he had no-body to go with!

Question: I have 12 legs, 12 arms and 8 heads. What am I?
Answer: A liar!

Question: What's worse than finding a maggot in an apple?
Answer: Finding half a maggot!

To know one's family tree today in Russia is a kind of an entertainment or fashion. We think it no more than just fun. Family tree information has become a popular, though expensive, today. But we never consider this information important for us. Now we hopefully know something about our parents and grandparents. And quite few of us are eager to find out anything about at least our great grandparents. In fact before the October revolution people of different classes almost always knew their family trees very well; not to say about merchants and the nobility for whom that was a must. We almost never question ourselves why for people in other countries it is absolutely natural to know a lot about their ancestors. I think that there are good reasons for finding out who your ancestors were. Not knowing one's family tree is like being without roots. Just imagine that among your ancestors could be persons, who lived very interesting lives, or even were famous. And it is not necessary to belong to a noble family. It is an excellent opportunity to feel proud of someone of your family! Why is it vitally important to know the history of your country and world history? Today we live in a fast moving world, and we think that all the problems and difficulties that we face are totally new. This is absolutely wrong. There is a very good line from ABBA's song: "The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself." I absolutely agree with this statement. Nothing is new. The history being made today is just a slightly updated variant of the history made by our ancestors. History is not only referred to our past, but mostly to our today and future. History is built up of events and relationships of peoples, nations and countries. How can we live and communicate with each other not knowing how our ancestors did this? So this is the key. Lives of people from our family tree is a reduced model of the country's or world's history. Is there something good and useful that can we pick up for ourselves? Surely there is something. You can not only be proud of your ancestors' achievements, but also look up to them. For example, my great great grandfather was a famous and rich merchant. He was not only lucky but very clever. He knew how to build up a successful business. But apart from that he was very honest as with his business partners, so with everyone else. He never had business with dishonest people. I try to be like my ancestor - honest in everything and with everybody. I consider a genealogical tree to be a real treasure that everybody should find.

Источник: Топики и сочинения на английском языке (с переводом)

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". 
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. 

* * *

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give 
me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. 
I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." 

* * *

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" 

* * *

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now! 

В английском языке "я" пишется с большой буквы, а в русском - "Вы" с большой буквы. Как Вы думаете, почему?

На самом деле, в ангийском языке "I" пишется с большой буквы не из соображений эгоизма.
Во время захвата Англии французами, французы повлияли на английский язык очень даже сильно. Грамотными были именно фраанцузы, и их монахи занимались переписыванием книг, но писали они без пробелов, просто одной строчкой, и букву "i" было просто не заметно. Поэтому ее делали заглавной, чтобы в глаза бросалась. А русском "Вы", это для того чтобы отличать уважительное "Вы" (уважаемый) от простого "вы" (ты и ты). В немецком, к примеру, то же самое.

В письменной речи важно знать, когда нужно использовать строчную букву, а когда - прописную. Например, и в русском, и в английском языке все имена собственные нужно писать с большой буквы. Но есть и отличия: например, названия членов семьи у нас пишутся со строчной, а в английском - с прописной. Составляя грамотное и понятное предложение не забываем правила написания заглавных букв в английском языке (статья на портале iLoveEnglish.ru).

Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. 
Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, "I'm Thor!" 
His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, "That'th becauthe you 
forgot the thaddle, thilly!" 

* * *

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe? 
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop. 

* * *

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? 
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly. 

* * *

1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? 
2. Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard? 

* * *

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on 
my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
B: It's because your feet aren't empty. 

Афоризмы и поговорки помогают выучить английский язык

Изучению английского языка очень способствует запоминание различных афоризмов и поговорок на английском языке.

Почему? Всё из-за мотивации. Многие люди очень любят изучать, читать, запоминать умные мысли на родном языке, а потом при удобном случае вставлять их в разговоры с людьми. Это действительно очень интересно.

Так почему бы не постигать философские и не очень философские мысли на английском языке? Гарантирую - запоминание слов и комбинаций удаётся гораздо проще! (Конечно, важно не зазубривание афоризмов и поговорок, а понимание того, о чём идёт речь. То есть учить надо чётко зная перевод.)

Прислала Ирина Волотовская. г. Омск

			Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)			Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)			Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)			Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)			Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)			Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)			Adam Meway (Out of My Way)			Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)			Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)			Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)			Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)			Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)			Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)			Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)			Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)			Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)			Al Luminum (Aluminum)			Al Nino (El Nino)			Al O'Moaney (Alimony)			Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)			Alec Tricity (Electricity)			Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)			Alf Abet (Alphabet)			Ali Gator (Ali Gator)			Allota Fagina (A
lot of vagina)			Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)			Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)			Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)			Andy Gravity (Anti-Gravity)			Andy Structible (Indestructible)			Anita Cock (I need a cock)			Anita Bath (I Need A Bath)			Anita Hoare (I Need A Whore)			Ann B. Dextrous (Ambidextrous)			Ann Chovie (Anchovy)			Ann Tartica (Antartica)			Anna Linjection (Anal Injection)			Anna Mull (Animal)			Anna Rexiya (Anorexia)			Anne T. Lope (Antelope)			Annie Buddyhome (Anybody Home)			Annie Mah (Enema)			Ariel Hassle (A Real Hassle)			Artie Choke (Artichoke)			Aunty Biotic (Anti-Biotic)			Ayma Dommy (I'm A Dummy)			Ayma Moron (I'm a Moron)			Barb Dwyer (Barbed Wire)			Barb E. Cue (Barbecue)			Barry D'Alive (Buried Alive)			Barry D. Hatchett (Bury the Hatchett)			Barry
Shmelly (Very Smelly)			Bart Ender (Bartender)			Bea O'Problem (B.O. Problem)			Bea Sting (Bee Sting)			Beau Vine (Bovine)			Ben Crobbery (Bank Robbery)			Ben Dover (Bend Over)			Ben O'Drill (Benadryl)			Ben Thair (Been There)			Ben Lyon (Been lieing)			Bess Twishes (Best Wishes)			Betty Bangzer (Bet He Bangs Her)			Betty Beatzer (Bet He Beats Her)			Betty Humpser (Bet He Humps Her)			Bill Board (Billboard)			Bill Ding (Building)			Bill Leeake (Belly Ache)			Bill Lowney (Bologna)			Bjorn Free (Born Free)			Bo Nessround (Bonus Round)			Bob Frapples (Bob for Apples)			Bowen Arrow (Bow and Arrow)			Boyd Schidt (Bird Shit)			Brice Tagg (Price Tag)			Brighton Early (Bright and Early)			Brook Lynn Bridge (Brooklyn Bridge)			Bud Weiser (Budweiser)			Burnedette Down (Burnt it Down)			Buster Cherry (Bust
her Cherry)			Buster Hymen (Bust her Hymen)			Cal Culator (Calculator...duh)			Cal Efornia (California)			Cal Seeium (Calcium)			Candice B. DePlace (Can This Be The Place)			Candice B. Fureal (Can This Be For Real)			Carl Arm (Car Alarm)			Carlotta Tendant (Car Lot Attendant)			Carra S. Midown (Caress Me Down)			Carrie DeKoffin (Carry the Coffin)			Carrie Oakey (Karaoke)			Carson O. Gin (Carcinogen)			Casey Deeya (Quesadilla)			Casey Needzit (In Case He Needs It)			Chad Terbocks (Chatterbox)			Chanda Lear (Chandalear)			Chi Spurger (Cheeseburger)			Chris Ko (Crisco)			Chris Mass (Christmas)			Chris P. Nugget (Crispy Nugget)			Chuck Mysak (Chuck My Sack)			Chuck Roast (Hmmm...Chuck Roast?)			Claire DeAir (Clear the Air)			Clara Nett (Clarinet)			Clara Sabell (Clear as a Bell)			Claude N. Skretchem
(Clawed and Scratched Them)			Clint Toris (Clitoris)			Cody Pendant (Co-Dependant)			Cole Kutz (Cold cuts) See			Colette A. Day			Colin Allcars (Calling all Cars)			Colleen Cardd (Calling Card)			Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus)			Craig Potz (Crackpots)			Craven Moorehead (Craving More Head)			Crystal Ball (Crystal Ball)			Curt N. Rodd (Curtain Rod)			Curt Zee (Curtsy)			Cy Burns (Sideburns)			Cy Kosis (Psychosis)			Dale E. Bread (Daily Bread)			Dan D. Lyon (Dandelion)			Dan Druff (Dandruff)			Dan Geruss (Dangerous)			Dan Gleebitz (Dangly Bits)			Danielle Soloud (Don't Yell So Loud)			Darius Lesgettham (There He Is, Let's Get Him)			Darrell B. Moore (There'll be More)			Daryl Lect (Derelict)			Dawn Keebals (Donkey Balls)			Dee Capitated (Decapitated)			Dee Faced (Defaced)			Dee Sember (December)
		Dennis Toffice (Dentist Office)			Denny Juan Heredatt (Did Anyone Hear That?)			Des Buratto (Desperado)			Diane Toluvia (Dyin' to Love Ya)			Di O'Bolic (Diobolic)			Dick Cumoff (Dick Come Off)			Dick Gozinia (Dick Goes In Ya)			Dick Head (Uhhh...Dick Head)			Dick N. Cider (Dick Inside Her)			Dick Zucker (Dick Sucker...You Know Who You Are)			Dick Tater (Dictator)			Didi Reelydoit (Did He Really Do It?)			Dinah Sore (Dinosaur)			Doll R. Bill...(Dollar Bill)			Don Thatt (Done That)			Doug Graves (Dug Graves)			Douglas S. Halfempty (The Glass is Half Empty)			Drew Blood (Drew Blood)			Drew Peacock (Droopy Cock)			Duane DeVane (Drain the Vain)			Dustin D. Furniture (Dusting the Furniture)			Dwayne Pipes (Drain Pipes)			Dylan Weed (Dealin' Weed)			Earl E. Byrd (Early Bird)			Eda Dick (Eat a dick)
		Ed Ible (Edible)			Ed Jewcation (Education)			Ed Venture (Adventure)			Eileen Dover (I Leaned Over)			Ella Vader (Elevator)			Elle O'Quent (Eloquent)			Ellie Noise (Illinois)			Ellis Dee (L.S.D)			Elmer Sklue (Elmer's Glue)			Emma Roids (Hemorrhoids)			Eric Shun (Erection)			Evan Lee Arps (Heavenly Harps)			Evans Gayte (Heavan's Gate)			Eve Hill (Evil)			Eve Ning (Evening)			Eve O'Lution (Evolution)			Ewan Whatarmy (You and What Army?)			Faye Kinnitt (Faking It)			Faye Slift (Face Lift)			Faye Tallity (Fatality)			Fletcher Bisceps (Flex Your Bisceps)			Frank Furter (Frankfurter)			Freida Convict (Free the Convict)			Frank N. Stein (Frankenstein)			Gabe Asher (Gay Basher)			Gabe Barr (Gay Bar)			Gene E. Yuss (Genius)			Gene Poole (Gene Pool)			Ginger Vitis (Gingervitis)			Gil T. Azell (Guilty
as Hell)			Gladys Eeya (Glad to See Ya)